Below, a rudimentary guide to some common words and phrases used within the BDSM scene—particularly phrases used in the stories about The Gates.
The list is hardly comprehensive, but should be a good starting point for anyone who thinks “vanilla” is just a flavor of ice cream.
- BDSM: Short for bondage and discipline; dominance and submission; and sadism and masochism. Also refers to SM or other fetishistic activities.
- Bottom: Person who is dominated through pain or bondage in an SM scene; may be either a submissive or masochist, or both.
- Brown shower: The act of defecating on someone in an erotic context.
- Cock-and-ball torture (CBT): Sadistic play with male genitalia, such as through application of pressure or pinching by hand or objects.
- Community: The culmination of any organized SM-oriented group or club, like a house of bondage, support group or kink-friendly organization.
- Crossdresser: A male who dresses in women’s clothing and vice versa.
- Dominant: Someone in SM play who wields control over a submissive.
- Dungeon: A space, public or private, used for SM play and equipped with toys or other bondage tools.
- Fetishism: Erotic attachment to objects or body parts that aren’t conventionally considered sexual in nature.
- Flogger: A whip with long strips of leather attached.
- Golden shower: Urine play, in which one person pees onto another person or into their mouth for erotic satisfaction.
- Master: A male dominant.
- Mistress: A female dominant.
- Negotiation: A discussion, which ideally leads to a consensual agreement, about the details and limitations of an SM scene or relationship.
- Nipple torture: Using clamps, teeth or other means to apply pressure and sometimes pain to someone’s nipples.
- Safe word: An established word that can be used by a submissive partner to stop SM play.
- Session: An exchange between a professional dominatrix and her client, or an exchange in a non-professional setting. Also: scene.
- SM: Abbreviation for sadomasochism. Also: S/M or S&M.
- Submissive: Someone in SM play who surrenders to a dominant.
- Top: A dominant and/or sadist who likes administering pain or bondage in an SM scene.
- Vanilla: Someone who is non-kinky and prefers conventional sex to SM.
